Sorry there are no pictures on this post. I promise that I will put more up. Life has been very busy this past month. Instead of taking pictures of my new beautiful baby she has been to several Dr. appts. My poor baby has bronchitus, double ear infections and a cough that sounds like a barking seal. She is such a good baby though. She only cries when she is hungry. When she eats she just ends up throwing it all up because she starts coughing and her gag reflex kicks in. She is so congested. Poor baby sounds horrible. As a mother I feel completely helpless. The Dr. has to listen to her lungs to make sure they are not filling up with more fluid. She will have to then be admitted to the hospital. I can't let her temp get above 100.5 or else she has to be admitted to the hospital. She got sick from her older two sisters. They have been very sick as well. I haven't really know what sleep is for the past month. Not just because of a new baby but I have had two toddlers up all night coughing and also needing love for their fevers and pains. Bailey has decided that she needs to take her pull ups off at naptime and nighttime and take out her poop and play with it. Not just play with it but smear it all over her room and all over Aislynn and Aislynn's bed. Yesterday it took me two and a half hours to clean the room. I had to wash all of the bedding on both beds. Stick both of the girls in the shower. We don't have a tub so I have to get in with them and scrub them off. I had to scrub poop off the walls which are textured, so you know how easy that is. She had also decided to get underneath the beds and smear it all over the mattresses and carpet. This happened twice yesterday. It doesn't seem to matter what I threatend her with or how mean my voice sounds. She is acting out because of the baby I am sure and she needs love too. After many loads of laundry, many showers, a baby who is sick and can't seem to keep her food down I was completely exhausted. As the night came and I reflected on my day feeling very helpless and dreading the thought of having to do this again tomorrow I was gently reminded that I am a mother. No one said this calling as a Mother was an easy one. I am frequently reminded of how not easy it is. As a mother there are so many things that you blame yourself for. My child is acting out because of something that I obviously am not doing for them. It is a constant battle of feeling inadequate, of never quite feeling that you are giving enough and of loving too much.
As a Mother I want my children to know I love them. I never want them to doubt this. Even after poop smeared walls and spilled carpet cleaner and underwear being flushed down the toilet, I want them to know I love them. As a Mother I have come to realize that there are a lot of tears. Tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of helplessness. I believe that if anyone need be truly humble then they should be a mother. I am reminded of a story from my husband's great grandmother Hannah. I am sure like all mothers she was feeling the same why that I felt today. Overwhelmed, exhausted she was putting clothes out on the line and she said to herself " I guess you are good for nothing but to take care of little children". Right beside her she heard a voice tell her "Do you not know that if you teach your children and bring them up acceptable before the Lord, you will accomplish one of the greatest works a woman ever perfomed on the earth?" So in all of her wisdom great grandma Hannah said "With the help of the Lord, I will do the best that I can".
I often feel like that. I love being a mother. I love my children and feel so blessed that I get to have these incredible little spirits in my home. I am not perfect. I need to learn more patience, I need to learn that a little poop and messes are okay. One day my children will be grown, one day they will go and experience the world on their own. They will soon learn that their mommy isn't perfect, that I don't know everything and that I am learning on a day to day basis. One thing that I hope they will never doubt is that their mommy loves them. That with the help of the Lord I will do the best I can. After all I am a mother. Not just a mother, but a mother.
Long Time, No Blog!!
16 years ago
3 comments:
Thanks, Trina, for sharing this--you are probably in the toughest time right now, and I admire the way you're able to see beyond it. I will pray for you that everyone gets healthy quickly and that Bailey adjusts as soon as possible. My oldest ended up in the hospital at three weeks with a UTI and scary as it was, I was so grateful to live now when we have such good medical care. It will all come out okay. I am mentally holding your hand: we will survive these first months!!!
I know that the transition from one to two was hard, I can only imagine two to three, and with the the oldest still being so young. My friend Emma is having the same problem with her Audrey playing with her Poop, and she just had a baby too. Effective means of getting that negative attention. Be sure and take pictures to embarrass her with when she is older.
I wish I was closer so I could come help. I understand the lack of sleep and how desperate being exhausted can make you feel.
Hang in there, love. You'll be ok, and the girls will get better soon. I can only imagine how compounded everything feels right now. Just remember - the church has a built in support center for a reason. DO NOT be afraid to use it. If you need to have someone come over and take the girls off your hands for a couple of hours so you can catch a nap, do it. You're getting sick won't help either. And, I know what you're thinking... they'll get sick too. Naw, just hand them a face mask and some lysol when they walk in the door. Wish I was there...
I LOVE YOU!
Hi, I am Heather's friend Emma. My daughter played with her poop during naptime near the end of my pregnancy. I would get so mad and she didn't care. I think she did it for attention and because she was bored. She really didn't need naps but I needed the rest. For awhile I couldn't let her be alone if she hadn't pooped yet that day. We eventually bribed her with watching a Barbie movie if she pooped on the potty. We also reduced TV time so it seemed more special. It worked for her but took awhile. Thankfully she has been fully potty trained since the baby was born. It took her four months to be fully potty trained. She finally started pooping and peeing on the potty when she felt she needed to. I am sooooo grateful.
I hope your girls get better fast. The first 5 weeks were so hard. I went to bed every night praying for the strength to continue and the Lord did strengthen me everyday. Then Gabriel started to sleep at least 5-6 hours during the night and I could function more as a human being. I hope you get the rest you need. Totally as the Relief Society for help. For me that was hard to do but I am so glad I did. I would not have survied with out compassionate service of the other sisters. My whole life I have only wanted to be a mother, I have never had career ambitions. Yet this is probably the hardest job I could have picked for myself. Good luck and God bless! Just know that you are not alone.
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